I texted my husband "wanna go for a walk?" and then peeked outside to see rain drizzling down, accompanied by a quick clap of thunder. Us Californians are still getting used to these wet weather patterns. So nevermind then. Guess I'll just catch up on my computer work. And by “computer work” I mean write one email, delete some spam and then go back to scrolling on my phone.
It’s been real lively around here as you can tell. Haha.
I did get dressed this morning, which felt like quite an accomplishment after this past week. And I was able to complete a 15-minute low impact workout along with a 5-minute stretch session, which made me so proud you’d have thought I ran an actual marathon. It just shows that as far as my pinched nerve goes, things seem to be moving in the right direction. There’s been some slight relief, as long as I don’t overdo it. Ya know, by sitting in a chair instead of my recliner. That sort of thing.
I saw my doctor yesterday and she encouraged me to start physical therapy again. As well as continue to get acupuncture. But that’s not all! I’m in my mid-forties now, so I also need to get a colonoscopy. And let’s not forget the annual mammogram. After I get my blood work done of course. And then possibly an MRI for my back if the insurance will approve it. Oh! Next time I get that weird rash on my arm or the breakout around my nose, just come in so she can get a culture and make sure it’s not viral. But don’t worry about perimenopause too much yet, because my hormones are pretty stable with the birth control I’m on. If I start to feel more anxious, we can always up my Lexapro dose.
Um, excuse me ma’am. What’s all this!! I’m 45… not 75. And this is a Wendy’s.
I really was not prepared for the heavy mental load that appointment placed on my shoulders. Just realizing more and more the things that come along with aging. It’s so easy to be in denial until it smacks you upside the head in one way or another. And I thought being a caretaker for my son was hard. It feels harder to take care of myself in so many ways.
So, in a sheer moment of disassociation, I made my way into the retail space of a mall. I quickly learned that our mall doesn’t even open until 11 these days. But I was able to sit in the empty food court and scroll my phone some more while I waited. Once I got going through the stores, I wanted ALL THE THINGS. Luckily I was coherant enough to sleep on my decisions, but it felt good to get out there and focus on something purely trivial, rather than all the things I needed to do.
As for those appointments, I’m gonna get right on it. But first, let me finish up my “computer work” yeah?
I feel this 45 thing so deeply right now. Thanks for putting it into words.
ALL of this. Also, yes, if my kiddo needs an appointment to be made it's done within the hour. If I need one for myself...well, l am staring at a sticky note "make appointment" reminder that's been on my desk since early February, so...