Sooo… what are your hopes and dreams?
This is the first question my husband asks whenever we have alone time. We both instinctively laugh because we know we gave up on hopes and dreams awhile ago. I know it sounds dire, but to give him credit, it’s really just a question that always gets us thinking and talking — about something other than our son, anyway. Parents know how that goes. I think it’s been so long since I’ve even had the option of thinking about myself, it’s a thought-provoking query.
As most people know, our son is disabled and the last 13 years of life have been consumed with his care. But over the past few months, we have been seeing a bit more independence from him, which means I’m not only existing to answer his every beck and call. We still have a long way to go, baby steps with his life skills. Plenty of doctor appointments and I’m working on a couple different therapy options. But there are actually days where he comes home from school and makes his way to his room to play cars, listen to music, and watch shows on his iPad without so much as a peep. I do peek in on him regularly, but he hardly notices me any more. I intially embraced it only as much as I could, with lots of trepidation and not believing it would last. I almost didn’t want to talk about it out loud because surely it would be jinxed! But it seems our teenager is content on doing this one teenager-ish thing. It’s great... and it kinda throws me for a loop sometimes.
I can’t help but let my mind wander. Does this mean there is room in my life for more? More what! I don’t know. I can’t really imagine anything at the moment because the mental load of the last 13 years feels like enough. But there’s always that squirrely part of my brain that wants to accomplish… something. Over the past few years, I’ve worked on accepting that life is actually pretty boring on the daily — and I’ve learned to be content with that level of ordinary. What a new feeling! It almost scares me to take on anything new because of how overwhelmed I have been for so long.
I think people that know me would smack me upside the noggin and say TAKE THE DOWN TIME. But it is hard! I am my mother’s daughter after all. There’s just a little part of me that wonders if there’s more. If I’m doing my best. If I’m living my life to it’s full potential. Gross. I hate sounding like a motivational speaker. But for lack of better terminology, I still feel young and ready to experience new things (or revisit old things that once brought me joy). Maybe instead of one big change to my life or career aspirations, I can add in some small things. One at a time. Like I did with my monthly solo dates! Those make me feel so happy.
I suppose it ultimately comes down to the expectations we have for ourselves vs. the hard realities that we are faced with. And how the chips likely fall somewhere in between. I bet most of us really thought we’d know how life would look — at least to some extent. But man! Every single phase has been a learning experience for me. Newly married, newborn, toddler, teenager, adult children (eventually), old and married (god-willing), etc. It almost feels like I’ve lived 3 or 4 different lives already… But at each phase of life, I can’t imagine anyone really knows how to do it all. It’s an education by fire. When we get the hang of one thing, it’s on to the next. So I guess overthinking it is about as useful as a paper umbrella in a hurricane.
I’d love to hear from others, if you have picked back up on a career or added in a new (or old) hobby to life as your kids became more independent. What has that looked like for you?
This was me a few years ago in my own way. My kids were 3 and 5 and I felt the urgency of impending change as they went off to school in the next couple years. What would I do with “all” that time?!! I cycled through considering three very different options for about a year or so. My friends encouraged me to just enjoy a year of rest, that I deserved and needed that. You know what, they were right. 😆 I allowed myself more ease, more room to breathe and casually explore things that brought me joy. Four years later I am so glad I did. It prepared me for the opportunities that were waiting for me that I otherwise might have been too tired to see and embrace. I now have a thriving music studio serving beautiful kids who struggle with ADHD, anxiety and emotional resilience. I wouldn’t have been ready for this growth if I hadn’t rested. So yeah, maybe listen to your friends for a little 😉 and then as you rest and gently explore, the next right thing will become clear. ❤️
I hope there are lots of responses…so I can get some inspiration. Hahaha! It’s not easy. I’m glad you’re experiencing a glimmer of opportunity. 🥰